Filed under: wedding
It’s 1:30 am, and we are leaving to B.C. in a few hours (in hopes that Ella will sleep 90% of the way if we leave in the middle of the night) but I just wanted to jump on here and share a few pictures we’ve gotten so far. We have been gorging ourselves on salmon and pork loin all day, with bites of huckleberry wedding cake in between, cleaning the house, and relaxing. I even got a massage today. I felt I deserved it after this week.
We are still waiting on the professional shots of the wedding, but Ang stopped by today before she left town and gave me doubles from her camera. I love this shot, even though it’s a crappy scan of a wonderful photo. We were walking out to Queen’s “You’re my best friend”.
Oh yeah, and we graduated. Why does that seem like 3 months ago?
More photos over on flickr.
Now, to pack up the rest of our stuff, drop my sis and her boys off at the Amtrak station, and get on the road. Have a great week.
I’m taking a break from writing papers, and thought I would make it a productive few minutes, instead of staring blank eyed at my email inbox.
It’s been a productive week, which I can’t always say. We finally went and picked out a tux for Tom and got him fitted (he has abnormally long arms apparently), put up railings on the deck so that Ella does not fall off (again), I altered my wedding dress to fit me (not the 6ft d-cup woman it was made for), written 3 papers, finalized the catering menu, bought a used arch thing, had a midwife appointment, spent 20 hours watching other people’s kids, gave a 25 minute presentation on feminist literary criticism in Go Tell it on the Mountain, puked 2957 times, Tom got a haircut, did 12 loads of laundry, read three books, booked our honeymoon, and a million other small things like eat and change diapers and love my Tom.
ANYWAY, here are some links that may be useful for other altbrides. Later (likely after the wedding) I will do a specific craft post with links, but for now, here are the basics:
Offbeat Bride Fuck Taffeta
AntiBride Piss on tradition, We’re doing it our way
Bridehood Revisited: The decline of civilization at $250 a plate
BrideZillas (New, but promising)
True Bride Confessions (This one, btw, makes me sick. For all my stress about this wedding, it most certainly was not because I hate my fiance but want the wedding, so I’ll go through with it and just divorce him later. WTF?)
Basically, it comes down to the fact that your wedding should reflect who you are, your relationship, and your values. If that means a cupcake dress and a church wedding, more power to ya. But the fact is that a good number of us feel like that would be a sham, and want our weddings to look and feel like us. No, I’m not wearing lime-green and serving only humanely-picked carrots - but I am done feeling guilty for not making my wedding fit other people’s expectations.
With all the wedding stress we have been having, there is still a bright spot: crafts. When Tom and I decided on actually having a wedding
(rather than a court house shindig, which in hindsight…) I was so excited because that meant I had an excuse to buy a bunch of craft stuff, hole up in my room and come out with a million awesome projects that people will ooo and awww over. Right? Well, it turns out I am also in my last quarter of school, mothering a toddler, and wiped out by pregnancy fatigue, so there have been very little crafting going on around here, other than nighttime knitting in front of the TV. Pair that with the fact that every time I have ‘finished’ a project it has turned out to be wrong wrong wrong, I have been discouraged. Today I finally finished the first of two leotards for the girls, and decided to see how the whole outfit goes together.
The leotard is actually a size four (for my little sister) and I will make one for Ella later this week. There are little things still to be done (tights, flower petal sleeves, shoes) but all in all, this is what Ella and Tillie will be wearing. A little cream leotard, a purple and green tutu, and satin flower petals, with ballet slippers, and Easter baskets with purple and green petals.
I REALLY wish I could wear it too. I am thinking a daisy chain crown, and a flower wand for after they are done with the petals, but those are the kind of details that if they get done - awesome. If not, eh, we’ll live.
My little forest fairy.
Filed under: wedding
Tom and I are still trying to figure out this whole wedding ordeal. We have three options right now.
Option A: Have the ceremony at CenterStage, (since we already gave them a hefty deposit), run and do pictures at Manito Park ($300) and then have the casual backyard party at Tom’s parents (catered - ~$1000)
Option B: Have the wedding at Manito Park, have pictures there ($300), then move to Tom’s parents (~$1000), (but say goodbye to the $500 deposit at CS)
Option C: Have the wedding/reception both at CS, but cut our guestlist down to 50 people max (1/3-1/4 of what it is now) so that we can afford to pay our mortgage. (~$3000)
Option L: Go to Vegas! Who’s coming?!
We are talking to Tom’s parents this week (Pam is out of town right now) and seeing what they think. Either they agree with us that we should live within our means and cut a huge chunk of the families out of the guest list, or they offer to help us fund their siblings meals. I am trying not to feel a huge amount of guilt, because Pam has already told everyone and their neighbors about the wedding and I HATE disappointing people ( I also hate taking people’s money, so there is guilt there too) (plus, traditionally, if anyone should be giving money it’s MY family, but it’s not a possibility) but also, I realize what a crock it is that we buy into this pretty princess wedding bullshit. Logically, i KNOW it’s not about the favors and flowers and place settings - but still, I would be lying if I said it doesn’t preoccupy me. I know my desire for these things is built on advertising and class envy, and I know I should be above all that shit, but it’s still hard to let go of it. So, i feel guilty about buying into this illusion of a wedding, and losing sight of what it is about.
Weddings shouldn’t have so much guilt around them.
So: here is my plan. Tom, Ella and I will be there. Maybe there will be food, maybe there will be flowers, maybe there will be sunshine and birds and fluffy white clouds. But mainly, it will be the Tom and I, with Ella at our feet, a family celebrating our commitment to each other, and to our futures. And there will be cake, because we like cake.
What does your drawing say about YOU?
You tend to pursue many different activities simultaneously. When misfortune does happen, it doesn’t actually dishearten you all that much.
You are a thoughtful and cautious person. You like to think about your method, seeking to pursue your goal in the most effective way.
You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.
You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.
other things:
Even if we can’t pull off the surprise wedding (how do we get people in town, but convince them that they NEED to come to the BBQ, since (though they would not know it) there is no Sunday Wedding?) we are excited about the wedding again, which is a HUGE improvement. I talked to Lisa for a while today, and she (having just gotten married in August) reminded me of the obvious: this should be a celebration, not something that makes me cringe. It will not come off “country” or “hillbilly”, which is my fear, because we won’t let it. Informal does not equal poor and lazy. We are thinking we will do it on Saturday afternoon, in Pam’s backyard (which they have 10 guys landscaping this week), with the ceremony around 5, and then backyard party until whenever. It’s a damn good thing we havn’t sent out invitations yet, huh?!
( I love how 3 months before the days (oh crap, less than three months!) we are redefining all this shit.)
I am working on a living-budget, and realizing that we spend WAY too much money on food. I am not even going to post how much it is, because it is ridiculous. What is your average monthly grocery bill? Is it 4 digits? How do I spend less?!
We are thinking that since we are not jumping into another baby for a bazillion years, we want a dog. wait, that sounds wrong. we want a dog regardless, but are justifying getting one by telling ourselves that we will have the time for him with only one kid. Plus, Ella? LOVES dogs. Loves.
I have a 10 page paper due tomorrow morning. Instead, i am looking at Flickr weddings.
Flower girl, fun trees, cute picture idea, bubbles!, Happy,
what tom will be wearing
Blah Blah, i really need to get STARTED on this paper.
Filed under: wedding
Tom and I seriously considered trashing our current wedding plans today, and throwing a ’surprise wedding’. Which is to say, I invite you to my house for a BBQ, and instead of beer and hot dogs, you get beer, good food and a wedding.
Because you know what? I think it would be fun. And that is what we want this day to be. Fun! It would still be a wedding - Tom and I committing ourselves to each other, with vows and rings and flowers - but all of the expectations people have about it all would be moot.
We are thinking that people will be in town for the ‘real’ wedding on Sunday, so the rehearsal dinner/graduation BBQ on Saturday would be the time to do it, and then we could just give people the day off on Sunday. ha! We’ll see. I am just so over the idea of a big formal day, and ready to have fun, and to make the day about US, not the flowers and favors and crap.
Downside: a nonrefundable deposit we already put down on our space. :/
ETA:
Some surprise weddings ala google:
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, six,
This one is maybe my favorite, so think this, with this vibe. (that whole set is enviable).
First, Jennifer Garner, stop making me love you. I don’t think I ever even noticed you before you had Violet, but now I want to hang out with you every day. Every time I see a story about you, it’s about how much you love your daughter, or about being a mom, or about accepting this new body/goals/perspective, and I hope other Hollywood mom’s take the cue. Or hell, even mom’s in general. So do you want to come over? I have pie!
Second, i am looking for a rehearsal dinner/graduation party dress. I am resisting the urge to just Value Village it, since there are so many great Spring dresses out right now, and hell - My wedding dress cost less than most of these dresses.
These are my top picks so far:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Criteria: Show off my hot legs, be fun, be under $50 (though i will splurge up to $75 if I love it), and either be able to try it on locally or have a great shipping/return policy.)
If you can think of other places I should look, let me know.
Third..
Was there a third? I forget. The plan for today is to run to Pool World and get more spa chemicals (because it smells like hose water!), then wait for Tom to get home so I can go write my paper somewhere quiet with coffee.
And .. um.. maybe go to Value Village.
Smaller wedding. Cut the list in half, unless *someone* (read: the person it matters to) funds the invite of a ton of random family members. The money thing is just stressing us both out way too much, and I can breathe easier when I think of a 60-75 person wedding. Which is, you know, what we wanted in the first place.
No baby. For at least *sigh* 5 years. Five years! We are both a lackluster about this, but between lack of insurance, grad school, mortgage, etc, we are trying to be adults about it and wait. Though, it should be noted that Tom, at the end of this ‘very adult’ conversation said “Unless you are pregnant now! That would be awesome!”
And then a bunch of little crap, about who does dinner dishes (whoever didn’t cook) what our favorite breakfast is (waffles!) and that maybe we should change the schedule of the wedding day so that we have time for pictures before 5pm (duh). It’s not even noon and I feel emotionally spent. We are watching two 4 year olds and a 9 month old this afternoon, so maybe I should take a nap.
Oh! I am half way through making my first pair of wool longies for Ella. A friend of mine was teaching a class yesterday, and I am almost to the crotch gusset thing which I am intimidated by. We have knit club together, so hopefully she can walk me through it. I am the queen of short rows. (ha!)
